Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
