You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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