You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
