omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We need to rekindle our bromance
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
