Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Shame is for Republicans.
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