I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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