my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
