I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
