The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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