Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
