I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
