why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
