I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
