I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
In America we eat man semen.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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