i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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