There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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