Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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