i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
