I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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