listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
