we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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