dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
