Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
