I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
