I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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