proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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