Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
