she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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