It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
