If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ladies don't puke and tell
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
