we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
