my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
