so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
