I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
