i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
