I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
