I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
