I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
