I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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