So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
