Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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