i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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