youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
