I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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