brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
