if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize