Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
