Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize