He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
