very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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