just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
