I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
