New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She's the barista slut.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
