He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
