Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize