I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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