Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize