no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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