Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
