So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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