How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
