I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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