I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
