I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
