Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
