Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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