A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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