Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sober January is a disaster.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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