I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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