I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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