Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Who died my cat blue again?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
