My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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