Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize