her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
