Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
