I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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