I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i've created a new STD.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
