Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
