i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
