I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
