i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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