Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
