Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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