Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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