Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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