why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
